Creationists, Like The Republican Party's New V.P. pick, are douche nozzles

Today I would like to talk about why Creationists are nozzles. The easy answer would be to point out that they are fundamentalists, and all fundamentalists are douche nozzles. I would however like to expound upon my opinionations on this subject. Here goes:

I have no problems with the Bible. I consider myself to be a faithful person. I do not, however believe that every word in the Bible is a literal representation of the events that took place through the period of history that the Bible covers. This is where I part company with the Creationists. They believe that God actually spoke, and creation occurred. OK, let's think about this for a second. When God speaks, what sort of language does he use? How big is His mouth? These are valid questions if you assume the verses in Genesis that outline the creation are actually true. It's either all literal or it's not. You can't simply draw the line where it pleases you to do so, that's called interpretation and it leads to error and perdition!

There are huge amounts of scientific data that point toward the Earth being much older than 4,000 years. One would have to take the stance that God created the Earth with many of the processes that we know to take thousands, hundreds of thousands, or millions of years already in progress. Canyons already partially formed. Mountains already windblown. Declining species already in a state of decline and rising ones already on the way up. More to the point, you would have to assume that every scientific fact that counts towards the nullification of the literal interpretation of the creation story would have to have been accounted for in the act of creation. So what, right? God is all powerful, he could surely do that if He chose to. If you admit that to be the case you have just stated that evolution was a process created by God himself. You are now in contradiction. 

Evolution itself is a fact.  You could save face by admitting that God created the world and evolution is a natural process that resulted from that creation.  Then you could teach creationism AND evolution in your privately funded Church/Home schools.  That way if your beloved spawn make it to college, they won't be mistaken for trailor trash because they weren't properly educated.

The other reason I find this extremly implausible is that it's not consistent with other things in the Bible itself. If God created Adam and Eve and they were the first humans to grace the Earth, where did all the other people come from? Did Cain take turns impregnating his sisters or Adam his daughters? Gross right?!? There were other civilizations in the Bible that existed concurrently with those of the direct descendants of Adam and Eve. Not too mention the fact that Europe, Asia, Africa Australia, North and South America were also populated by humans. There simply wasn't the time or the technology in place to allow mankind to spread from a single point to other, remote continents given the timetable they propose.

As a creationist, you are saying that facts mean nothing to you. The world is on a set of train tracks laid by God that nothing can alter. The future is fixed. So much for free will. This is Douche Nozzlery at its finest!

David Mamet's dialogue makes me want to scream

Every couple of months, I am forced by some cruel twist of chance or fate to think about David Mamet. When this happens I invariably have the same reaction... RAGE. This guy drives me crazy!

He is a great storyteller, something very rare, but his dialogue is God-awful! Some people talk about him like he's God but I can barely sit through the torturous moments of his characters and their completely unrealistic yammering. Case in point. I pulled this from Wikipedia as an example. It's from Glen Garry/Glen Ross:

Moss: No. What do you mean? Have I talked to him about this [Pause]
Aaronow: Yes. I mean are you actually talking about this, or are we just...
Moss: No, we're just...
Aaronow: We're just "talking" about it.
Moss: We're just speaking about it. [Pause] As an idea.
Aaronow: As an idea.
Moss: Yes.
Aaronow: We're not actually talking about it.
Moss: No.
Aaronow: Talking about it as a...
Moss: No.
Aaronow: As a robbery.
Moss: As a "robbery"? No.

Normal people don't make distinctions between talking and speaking. It's just silly. I get what he's trying to do, I just think the construction is totally artificial. Even great actors come off sounding wooden and stilted when they have to deliver dialog like this.

I had a discussion with one of the employees at my local Blockbuster about this and he just loves Mamet. Thinks he's the greatest screenplay writer going. Even likes the style of the dialogue! I am baffled. I told him I thought Quentin Tarantino's dialogue was a hundred times better, which it is, and he disagreed. Unbelievable! One could argue that Tarantino's dialog is bit too hip to be legit, but I know more people who talk the way his characters' do than the way Mamet's do and I was a philosophy major. Talk about stilted pompous dialogue... there were pipes involved. Pipes, I tell you!!

Well, I've gone on long enough about this. Hopefully the act of writing this down will bring me some measure of peace... at least until the next time.

Ron Paul Fanboys and Girls Need to Give It Up

Ron Paul is not going to be our next president. That's a big Neg-A-Tory. Sorry. Wanting it won't make it happen.

Spend some time on Digg.com and you'll see what I mean. There are still people out there who think its possible for him to win the election. I am dumbfounded by this. He was visible throughout the primaries. People were exposed to his message and he said some very provocative things, but he didn't even pull Perot numbers and Perot was a bit of a nut.

It's time for the camera to pan out so you can the see the "I Am The Cheese" revelation that will allow you to move on with your lives.

Rupert Murdoch Is A Giant Tool

The subject of this Nozzlatory disquistion arose from an article on Digg.com and a questions posed by one of the Diggers there:

http://digg.com/politics/Colbert_Stewart_Provide_Better_News_Than_O_Reilly_Dobbs?OTC-ig

"But seriously, what does this say about people and the media in general if they would rather watch Comedy ***** Central then news networks?"

It's obvious really. For the same reason I watch South Park. Behind the potty humor is a show that consistently takes on the current issues of the day and provides sane discourse on serious topics and insane discourse on the crap the media is obsessed with that doesn't deserve the air time People would rather watch Stewart and Colbert because mainstream news is no longer about journalism and hasn't been for some time. They manage to inform while they entertain. Additionally, dumbasses aren't watching these shows to begin with because they wouldn't get the humor, which is usually based on the facts of the stories.

I was employed in TV in the early 90s and noticed two distinct camps I call the journalists and the broadcasters. The former were passionate about journalism and the mission they had to bring the important, appropriate news to the people. The latter were more about ratings and making the jump to the larger market or they were just too young to understand what the implications of stories were to the audience. Asking a 22 year old line producer to make judgement calls about things they have no experience of is a recipe for disaster.

And while I'm at it... who really gives a shit what Cokie Roberts has to say about anything!?! Its just the DC insider people lubing up and strokin' their tools. The White House press corps members are hamstrung by their need for access to the players in the government... the newsman who tells the painfull truth will be shut out, so the answer is to "go along to get along."

Ultimately, I blame the British. That's right, the Brits and their damn tabloid journalism! That was the precursor to "A Current Affair" (which starred future douchnozzle extroadinaire, Bill O'Reilly) which spawned a whole other carcass full of maggots. You could argue that Rupert Murdoch is behind the lion's share of this and you'd be right... but remember, although he's Australian, he was educated in Britain and therefore kinda British. From Wikipedia: "When the daily newspaper The Sun entered the market in 1969, Murdoch acquired and converted it into a tabloid format, which by 2006 was selling three million copies per day." He did the same thing with the New York Post and also created that bastion of journalistic integrity STAR Magazine.

So, to return to the Daily Show, and the Colbert Report; There is more intelligent, insightful journalism hidden in the bits and gags contained therein than there is in most of the "mainstream" news shows. These shows will call a spade a shovel regardless of the politics involved. They are able to draw attention to the absurdities of our government in action precisely because they are not too close to the players to step on toes, and that's what real journalism does. It shows you the facts without regard to whom it will piss off.

Christian Parent's Answer to the Harry Potter Phenomenon Is A Giant Douche Novel!

Doesn't it make your skin crawl when some dillweed weenie tries to do something "for the kids" that is totally driven by their own obnoxious beleifs?  It's like watching I Love Lucy where you know she's about to do something really stupid and get into trouble why can't she see whats about to happen ahhhh!   Only in this case it's not funny.  This annoying bee-otch decided she needed to be the one to take on the Harry Peter books using Jeebus.  Having not read, and never intending to read this drivel I pronounce that it sucks!

 

How am I supposed to take anyone srsly who refers to people as "unchurched?"  WTF is that supposed to mean?!? A church is a building, not a belief system.  That's as bad as people who call things "impactful" like its a real word.

 

Here's the linkful of nozzlery right heaugh:

 

http://www.earnedmedia.org/mlp0805.htm

Order to Forge Iraq-9/11 Letter Came On White House Stationery

It's time to impeach these bitches!!  I don't know what the GOP has on Pelosi but it must be good.

 

 

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Tape_Top_CIA_officer_confesses_order_0808.html

The Earth is Flat

 

There are douche nozzles out there who think the Earth is not round and that photos from space were faked.  Apparently they never flew in a plane either.  It just goes to show you there are few limits to the stupidity of the determined!

 

 

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7540427.stm

 

Barack Obama is elitist! Idiocracy in action.

Why does the press need to criticize people in the public eye whom it perceives to be "too smart?" Obama has been called elitist over and over again, and why? Because he doesn't spend his days in front of the TV drinking Bud Light from the can? Because he is educated?

It's as if the majority of people want a president who is just like them. And why not? An affable guy, C student, not some over intellectual lawyer type. Oh wait, that's what we have now. There's a common idiot in the White House now. How's that working for you?

Are we still in high school that we feel the need to chastise people for being too smart?

The truth of the matter is that there are few, if any players at the national level who have anything in common with "the common man." For starters, they are college grads.* Most of them have degrees in law. Most did well in school and would be considered over-achievers. The vast majority were wealthy when they started in politics the rest got that way along the road. Because it is their job, the good ones are well read on the issues, or at least well briefed.

When you think about it, the vast majority of presidents have been wildly "elitist" by today's standards. All of them could read, (even Jackson!), which set them apart from a sizable slice of the population.** They were educated past the one room schoolhouse stage. Some in their military careers, others in college. Meanwhile, this country still has a planned school absence timed with the sowing of crops known as Spring Break. How many farmers are in Congress now? My guess is none.

Stop being a Douche Nozzle and calling Obama an elitist becuase he's articulate, intelligent and has some level of sophistication. As far as past presidents go, he's in good company.


*According to the U.S. Census Bureau stats released in 2005:

The Northeast had the highest proportion of college graduates (30.9 percent), followed by the West (30.2 percent), the Midwest (26.0 percent) and the South (25.5 percent).

**From the National Assessment of Adult Literacy:

For the later part of this century the illiteracy rates have been relatively low, registering only about 4 percent as early as 1930. However, in the late 19th century and early 20th century, illiteracy was very common. In 1870, 20 percent of the entire adult population was illiterate, and 80 percent of the black population was illiterate. By 1900 the situation had improved somewhat, but still 44 percent of blacks remained illiterate. ....

http://nces.ed.gov/naal/lit_history.asp#illiteracy

Wal-Mart thinks it's employees are as stupid as it's customers

According to management, a vote for Obama is a vote for unions.

and I quote:

According to about a dozen Wal-Mart employees who attended such meetings in seven states, Wal-Mart executives claim that employees at unionized stores would have to pay hefty union dues while getting nothing in return, and may have to go on strike without compensation. Also, unionization could mean fewer jobs as labor costs rise.

....

"The meeting leader said, 'I am not telling you how to vote, but if the Democrats win, this bill will pass and you won't have a vote on whether you want a union,..."

Do they honestly think people will fall for this? Which graveyard did they go to to dig up a corpse who still thinks this is an effective personnel management technique!? This isn't pre-WWII Kentucky for God's sake!

I urge all Wal-Mart employees to run to the DVD section and get a copy of Norma Ray!

and here's the source code:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121755649066303381.html?mod=hpp_us_whats_news